I'm on 150mg lamotrigine now. My mood has been swinging absolutely wildly today. Like really. Everything lately has been dovetailing towards the convention this last weekend for various reasons, I'm obviously going to be pretty unstable right now.

I've felt so completely out of control for like a year, & on a longer scale 4 years, 8 years, 20 years. Hope this slight feeling of perspective this afternoon predicts at least a slight respite from the most recent focuses of my intensity & pain. Hope the mood stabilizer does what it's supposed to, I certainly don't feel stable atm. I've had enough emotions for several lifetimes, I would like to never have to think or talk about my feelings again.

@verycarapesque I hear this so fucking clearly.

My therapist told me last night that she thinks that I just experience emotions way more strongly than most people. I think this is correct.

I further suspect that emotions are actually senses calibrated towards internal state, and as such subject to Sensory Processing Disorder just as much as vision or hearing.

Some of us are hypersensitive to some or all feelings, some are hyposensitive, etc.

@mykola agree!! It definitely seems to be just how some people's brains are, physiological & genetic. Feeling emotions intensely. I don't think it's an acquired disorder, I think you need that specific difference in the first place, and some people simply feel things more intensely than others. I would like some numbness at this point :')

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@verycarapesque yeah. marijuana helps me more than almost anything else I've tried. YMMV, but I hope you find an approach that works for you! :)

@mykola that makes everything a lot worse for me unfortunately, very unfair :')

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