getting heckin callbacks to That One Article (not That One, the one about straight girlfriends) I wrote back—omg has it really been a year ago now?!?!?!

iʼm about to Feminism 101 yʼall but a major point of that article which i thought was really important was the way in which society uses women and women use each other for caretaking labour in ways that are not demanded of men

and you can run the numbers on this too with like, families where elderly parents get sick and need care, it is extremely disproportionately women who give up their jobs and livelihoods to go and care for them

and we all know about children

i talked about this in ❤️06 too, i said:

« Women disproportionately make sacrifices in their lives and careers to care for others, knowing full well that if they donʼt, the work will never get done—and men reap the benefit by focusing on their own self­‑fulfillment and jobs. But the solution to this problem is not for women to stop taking care of young ones or the elderly, and hope that men grow a conscience. The solution to this problem is to organize for labour rights and abolish patriarchy. »

i bring this up because like, in isolation, turning to your friends and receiving love and care and support from them is good

but in aggregate, the way we as a society *primarily* turn to women and not men to do that work (i.e., to make us feel better)—work which is non­‑market labour that can never be recompensed through market capitalism—is a feminist issue

and thatʼs something everyone, including women, need to be conscious of. the stakes are actually higher for women because men are not necessarily safe people for them to go to for emotional support—there are reasons why queer people often try to source their care from other queer people, and women often try to source their care from other women, and so on—but the end result is that those oppressed people just wind up doing even *more* work than they already were, while the men get off scot­‑free

there are NO good answers here and itʼs highly situational in terms of how you should approach grappling with these issues. but itʼs important to think about them!! and try to be conscious about what you are asking, and from whom, and how often

and *yells quietly* communicate!!! geez communicate with people and talk about these things with them, itʼs important

« In a similar vein, the straight world is able to profit off of queer peopleʼs willingness to love and take care of other queers—by first increasing, and then displacing, the costs of queer survival onto the queer communities themselves. And the solution to this problem is not to stop loving, or to stop caretaking. But at the same time, simple gestures such as these are not enough to achieve justice. »

« So long as queer communities remain exploitable and expendable within a heteronormative sociëty, the labour we do to build them up _will be exploited_—and eventually undone. »

(
these quotes from: <u2764.com/page06.xhtml>.

my response to that straight girlfriends article, a year ago: <go.kibi.family/Aug/2018/girlfr>
)

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