Touch cat. Photo by @paralithode
on my way to volunteer shift. Had reminiscences of all the jobs I've had before that broke me down, trying to figure out what normal looked like & trying to emulate it & failing, trying to pretend I was okay. I've tentatively started thinking of it as 'masking', it's exhausting. Though it might just be self monitoring & anxiety/self image. How can you ever decide if the looks you see in people's eyes are really there? Anyway it's gone okay so far, just hard being in a work environment again.
Normalize quitting things. It could be school, work, relationships, hobbies, or pretty much anything.
Quitting is often thought of as inherently negative; nobody wants to be called a "quitter". But there are plenty of situations where not only is it reasonable, it's the *best* course of action.
You can drop out college or switch majors when you don't care about the thing you're studying. You can end a relationship when it becomes toxic. You can stop playing a game that you don't enjoy.
I think I will cause problems on purpose
( source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhX2vMToqgg )
Good morning friends! Sun still heavily veiled by a swirling milky grey sky, shot through now by soft veins of blue. Cool & clammy, while the yellow flames in the trees burn brighter every day.
An outing day, late birthday lunch for @verycarapesque –eager to see how my growing stamina fares in a practical day-to-day social sitiation, whether noise & interaction still saps me as much as it used to.
May we find unexpected delights today & be ready to welcome them into our hearts!
Good morning friends! Yesterday put me in a sore, gloomy mood, hr upon hr of rain growing heavier like an untuned radio's static hiss turned up & up thru all my senses. Fortunately the sky has rained itself out for now. A wild, open, scrubbed-clean feeling–although clouds are already rolling back into the blue void.
Maybe weather will always have this outsize effect on me–but I'm building deeper reserves to deal w/it.
May we find ways to serve truth & justice in our lives and the world today!
Good afternoon friends! Another grey brackish kind of morning–though day by day there's more blue sky, & churned up bogs on the earth tracks are shrinking bit by bit. Saw both a heron & a luminously white egret prowling the banks.
Changing routine is leaving me a bit wobbly but so far a little less physically worn out at least. Walked to the reservoir again–which still gives me a great glow of pride as a once-unimaginable feat.
May we find balance & gentleness for ourselves & each other today!
Good morning friends! A little colder+crisper this morning, making the damp easier to bear than the stultifying closeness that persisted all yesterday. Grey sky full of rents & ribbons of pale morning blue. Agitiated squirrels shaking boughs as they bark & chase through the trees, robins too busy to notice me until I'm a metre away.
Feeling more together today–body freer & stronger, thoughts becoming more joined up & lucid. Hoping to draw later.
May we find new joys & new opportunities today!
Good morning friends! Deluge overnight, & grey skies foreboding more to come. In the woods brooks & streams surge past their courses, brown vortices of muddy water rumbling & roaring as they slowly swallow up blackened tree trunks.
Turns out I'm getting to my limits w/exercise in terms of daily function–after I work out my body is used up & I was in a vague soft state of dissociation for a lot of the afternoon. Slowly stepping down is next, to find the balance.
May we have hope & health today!
UK, they/she, carer, poly, pan, 33, wordy purveyor of neurotica. I sometimes draw. Previously firstname.lastname@example.org
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